Don’t be scared…! Your shadow is the portal to everything you desire…
Well, love, she’s been waiting for you a long, long time. She’ll be delighted you’re moving in closer.
Your shadow is alive in you and has lived and grown with you in total unison since you were born. Probably before… You and her an intricate and beautiful interplay of design. She holds that parts of you that you can’t see. That you’ve forgotten about. That you banished somewhere dark, many moons ago. Which is exactly why she needs to be welcomed back like an old, old friend.
BUT… How can you actually meet your Shadow?
Her very nature is that she’s hidden, tucked away in the unconscious, and holed up in the darkest corners of the psyche, in those places we usually fear to tread. Without going into those places inadvertently (no screaming meltdowns or gin-fuelled breakdowns please!) how do we find our shadow twin?
Here are six ways to meet the shadow…
And these have been adopted and adapted from the late Molly Tuby’s suggestions which are so easy and straightforward to spot. And they require very little deep diving at this point, making them excellent places to begin your journey into the shadow…
1. Your shadow appears in your exaggerated feelings
Your shadow often lurks in the exaggerated and extreme feelings you have about other people.
This means that she’ll show herself to you in the way your emotional body rises up to greet someone in a not-so-flattering way. Think of this less as judgement, and more as an impulsive reaction that feels very automatic.
When you see a girl in a too-short skirt or a helluva lot of makeup and think “How can she possibly go out like that?!” Or observe someone out in the street doing something you judge as not okay and sign under your breath “What on earth does he think he’s doing?”.
This can be especially clarifying if you’re the only person who has this reaction. If you’re with others who are wholly unaffected by these people doing things that you deem so unreasonable or outrageous, this is likely your personal shadow emerging.
2. Meet your shadow in negative mirrors from other people
Do people often pick up the very same details about your behaviour, and call you out on them?
“Oh, you always say that when I….”
“You often treat me in X way…”
Especially if this happens with more than just one person – so the mirror doesn’t just come from your partner, but from a colleague, a parent AND a sibling too. Then this mirror probably has more to do with you and your shadow, than it does with them.
3. Repeating patterns showing up in your relationships
From the big, blaring patterns to the tiny little ones, most people have ways of being in situations that keep on showing up for them, forming patterns.
Maybe you keep having the same sticky argument with your partner?
Or your relationship with a sibling always tends to break down when you hit the same niggle?
It may feel very much like these patterns are caused by the other person. Or by the situation you keep finding yourselves in (hello blame game!) But in fact, even if the environment IS your container, YOU are the one playing this out repeatedly, and it’s likely that your shadow twin has a leading role.
4. Impulses = shadow
Do you often almost say something out loud?!
…Or actually say it and then wish you could take it back?
Or do something mean or vindictive in a moment of spite or frustration?
Or maybe lash out at someone or something in an angry burst….?
Well you’re NOT alone and you’re not going crazy… These impulsive acts are actually your shadow self-revealing herself to you.
But instead of regretting what you’ve said and done (ok, maybe a little regret can be a good thing if it was particularly awful 😬 ) try to see this impulsive action as a chink that you can learn from.
What you were acting in impulse about, i.e. what triggered you, is your meeting point with your shadow.
5. Your shadow shows up in when (and how) you judge other people
We all do it!
Even the most enlightened folks can fall into this trap of disapproval of others. When it’s exaggerated disapproval then it can be an even surer sign that your shadow self is emerging…
How often have you been sitting on the sidelines (hiding behind your phone, ahem) watching what other people are doing, and pointing out their faults? It’s a defence mechanism for sure – a way to make ourselves feel better, but honestly, this is often your shadow emerging.
She does this to draw attention to the disowned (previously judged) parts of you.
The parts that make up HER.
6 Shame and Humiliation
Ok, this is a big one. Especially for women.
As the Sacred Feminine rises on our planet, a LOT of shame is also rising. It’s unavoidable, and the way this is cleared is through each and every one of us.
I’ll say that again: the way we clear the collective shadow is through each and every one of us.
So before you berate yourself with your own sense of shame… these feelings are coming through for all of us. The stories are our own, but the narrative is global.
Where you feel shame is a big, big indicator of where your shadow lies. The size of the unbearableness you feel around this, is pretty much equal to the size of yourself that is lying in shadow. But this is ALSO equal to the amount of latent power you hold there.
Your shadow twin is your powerhouse
Delving into the shadow may feel like a very daunting prospect. ANd yes, it can be excruciatingly hard. But it’s also a portal through which we come to know our true selves, and actually unlock so much of the power that’s been suppressed in women over millennia.
If you want to dive deeper into the potential YOU have locked up in your own shadow, come and explore the Honeyed Shadow.
It’s a unique, self-led 13-day journey into your own inner world, guided by me, Kat.
I’ll see you inside…