When the Moon is New in Aries, personal rebirth is heralded in.
This may not be altogether unexpected, or perhaps it comes as a surprise …
If you saw this New Moon approaching (as the start of the astrological New Year, it’s a big event) then you may have been preparing, building, gathering together your resources, to jump high on the springboard. Or perhaps you have been stripping back, eliminating the excesses, clearing space in anticipation of what is to come.
I have realized something big, over the course of this last week (which coincided with the launching of my Lunar Medicine Program … which is not running anymore***)
I thought that I knew what was coming, I though that I knew what I wanted this New Moon to bring and begin, for me, for my work and for the Moon School.
But I have been sooo busy looking forward, so busy working, relentlessly, from an old personal paradigm, so busy … that I didn’t realise how far away I was standing from where my heart resides.
I’ve been tuning into lunar energy, encouraging others to do the same, and writing daily readings to this aim, for around 4 years now. It’s been an incredible discipline, a learning journey and something I am immensely proud of! Through personal highs and lows, babies being born and good friends leaving … It began as a blog, an experiment, a way to be brave and talk about the lens that I had come to see the world through … just in case that lens might have been useful for anybody else to use, too.
And here we are, and it IS useful … so many thousands of beautiful souls read these words every day and many tell me how much of a difference it makes to them.
But here’s the thing … I realise now that I have spent so long lining up my words and my suggestions and my readings with Her cycles and phases, that I have lost touch with my own.
Describing and explaining for so long, to so many, has meant that the deep, experiential meaning of the lunar cycles has, for now, begun to retreat from my life …
The giving, I realise, has begun to stand in the way of what I need to receive from the cycles.
And instead, now, I am finding my solace, my comfort and my answers through connecting to the Earth more than I am connecting to the Moon (and it doesn’t necessarily need to be an either, or. But here is my truth, it is what I offer).
I could keep writing, I could keep on giving, but I am tired, and my heart is opening up another way to me now…
I am not completely sure (ok, I am not even slightly sure!) where it will lead, but the shaman’s drum is calling loudly …
The SPACE I have already made in (secretly) un-committing myself this week is soothing and speckled bright with signs and synchronicities that I cannot ignore.
I invite you to join me, if you want to, while I find my feet on this new path. Maybe I’ll loop right back round to writing and teaching the lunar phases once more … maybe not. For now, I’ll share what feel like the right pieces, at the right time, of wisdom and insight that I find along the way.
And if you don’t want to come … that is fine too!
For me right now, I am trusting in the unknown (like never before, this is a deep, dark abyss that I am facing) but I embrace letting go … All of my words, over the past four years, mean very little if I cannot live by them when it matters.
Sending you a thousand thank yous for staying with me this far.
***I could explain it away (the cancellation of Lunar medicine) with family commitments (three little boys and a wonderful hard-working partner, who, if I am honest, I had been neglecting a little as I prepared for the launch) and the very real pressure of the expectation of ‘paying customers’, and not wanting to disappoint.
But the truth is something a bit more deeply rooted.
And that is that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I realised that I was in danger of loosing my love for the work, if I didn’t take a break and re-charge, and it wasn’t ok to teach and share it, if not from a place of love.
Right now, I need to take some of my own medicine (!), re-connect to myself, follow the many signs which are showing me that my joy is elsewhere, and spend a little time rediscovering where this is all heading.
I am currently working out whether to continue with the page, and the daily readings, or perhaps to morph it all into something else, or perhaps stop for a while.
I know that SO many people rely on them, and love and trust this work, but I think I had underestimated how emotionally tiring it is. So the membership would have wiped me out, I think … I feel silly for not realising it before and getting this far, but I actually think that perhaps it was always meant to be this way, because you can’t truly learn a lesson in theory. So all of this needed to happen.
AND, as I move deeper into my shamanic work, I am receiving clearer and clearer guidance on where to put my energy, and you know what …. I need to spend more of time with my children right now. They need me.
When I was pregnant with my third baby, Ezra, I was in the Chalice Well in Glastonbury when I entered into a powerful meditation. In a garden of flowers, I met a Goddess, and she gave me a gift. This gift was HER pregnant belly: she lifted it from her body, and placed it onto mine. I sensed that She was Gaia, Mother Earth, and with this physical gift came the even more powerful gift of knowing that she was passing the baton – she was passing onto me the most profound and potent charge that there is, of creation and of nurture.
And I knew then, that to be a mother was to birth the consciousness of the new world.
I need to remind myself of this again.